When it comes to college sports, the big plays, the blown calls, and the sheer delusion of opposing fanbases can sometimes leave you speechless. And finding the right words, other than the four-letter ones, in the moment can be quite challenging. But as the 2025 college football season approaches, so does "Talking Season."
So, I turned to ChatGPT and asked for a simple request: "Roast Clemson for me." And let me tell you, Chat understood the assignment.
Here's what ChatGPT had to say about Clemson, Dabo, and the Tigers' fall down the beloved "Hill" of greatness.
- "When the best thing about your program is a used slide in your football facility, it's tough times."
- "Clemson’s offense these days looks like a glitchy NCAA Football video game from 2005."
- "Gamecocks ended Clemson’s home streak and Clemson still hasn’t found their way out of therapy."
- "Clemson football: where losing to South Carolina at home is officially part of the fall schedule now."
- "Clemson’s backup plan for fixing the offense? Praying harder."
- "Clemson’s offense moves slower than a South Carolina DMV line."
- "Clemson’s "dynasty" is now old enough to need a nostalgia playlist."
- "Clemson’s biggest opponent this season isn’t South Carolina — it’s the forward pass."
- "Clemson fans keep saying “We’re back!” Back where? Third place in the ACC?"
Of course, no Clemson roast would be complete without a few words about their fearless leader. Because when it comes to Dabo Swinney, the material practically writes itself. Or ChatGPT seems to think so:
- "Dabo Swinney’s biggest NIL deal is still the one he made with the football gods in 2016. Contract’s up."
- "Dabo Swinney refuses to use the transfer portal — because he’s allergic to adapting and winning."
- "Dabo said he’d quit coaching if players got paid. South Carolina fans are still waiting on him to keep that promise."
- "NIL stands for "Not Interested in Learning," apparently."
- "Dabo out here coaching like it’s 2016 and wondering why it’s not working in 2025."
After years of hearing the word "elite," along with reading posts from Clemson fans about the dominance in Death Valley, it's fun to get a good laugh in, especially when a robot is writing the jokes for you.
Long live the roasts. Long live the rivalry. Until November, Clemsux. Forever to thee.