SEC Media Days are a chance for the league’s head coaches (and select players) to speak in front of the media. Most of the content at SEC Media Days becomes fodder for fans: offseason depth chart questions, updates on new players/coaches, and maybe even a little trash talk all make headlines and send SEC football fans into frenzies. Without a doubt the best to ever throw out a one-liner is former South Carolina and Florida head coach Steve Spurrier.
The Head Ball Coach was never afraid to say whatever it was that he wanted to say, and college football media was thankful for it.
If Spurrier wanted to take a jab at another coach or program, he would do it. If he wanted to make fun of a media member, the press had to brace themselves for potential impact. If the HBC decided he wanted to try to motivate his team through the press, he’d do that, too.
SEC Media Days was often the setting for Spurrier’s greatest quips.
In honor of SEC Media Days kicking off on Monday, here is a list of some of the best-ever quotes from college football’s greatest muse, Steven Orr Spurrier. (While many of the quotes will be from SEC Media Days, some will be from other press opportunities).
The best of Steve Spurrier taunting his rivals
Spurrier’s favorite targets were his rivals. As the head coach at Duke, Florida, and South Carolina, North Carolina, Georgia, Tennessee, Florida State, and Clemson were obvious targets for the HBC’s most vicious barbs.
Because he was from Tennessee and was not offered a scholarship out of high school, and because Tennessee was a rival to both Florida and South Carolina, he had an extra passion for trolling the Vols.
Here are some of his best quips about his rivals:
At SEC Media Days in 1992 after beating Georgia 45-13 in 1991:
“Why is it that during recruiting season they sign all the great players, but when it comes time to play the game, everyone says we have all the great players? I don’t understand that. What happens to them?”
Bringing up an impermissible benefits scandal at Florida State in which players were gifted free clothing, including thousands of dollars worth of Nikes:
“You know what FSU stands for, don’t ya? Free Shoes University.”
When asked at the 2005 SEC Media Days if he thought his South Carolina program could beat Georgia like his Florida teams did:
“Is Ray Goff still coaching over there?”
When asked about Peyton Manning’s return to Tennessee as a senior:
“I know why Peyton came back for his senior year: he wanted to be the first three-time MVP of the Citrus Bowl.”
and when asked about expectations for Manning and Tennessee under coach Phil Fulmer that season:
“You can’t spell ‘Citrus’ without the UT.”
After Clemson coach Dabo Swinney said that Spurrier is from Mars and that he is from Pluto:
“Dabo probably thinks there’s nine planets out there. I read that Pluto may not be considered important now.”
When asked at the 2012 SEC Media Days about not playing Georgia early in the season as South Carolina’s first big test:
“I don’t know. I sorta always like playing them that second game of the year because you could always count on them having two or three key players suspended.”
Speaking at the 2015 SEC Media Days about disappointing fans after a 7-6 finish in 2014:
“There are people in Knoxville and Fayetteville still doing cartwheels over going 7-6.”
When asked about star player Jadeveon Clowney getting a speeding ticket after a 5th-straight victory over Clemson in 2013:
“I didn’t know Jadeveon’s car could go that fast. He doesn’t have a pretty car like those FSU guys used to drive.”
At SEC Media Days in 2005 when his Florida team’s beating of Georgia in Athens in 1995 was brought up:
“They didn’t seem to be too mad about it. They only had about 5000 left in the stadium.”
During a long, media-fueled spat with Clemson coach Dabo Swinney over things like “The real USC,” “The real Death Valley,” etc.:
“Most of our guys have never been to Death Valley. LSU’s stadium is Death Valley, isn’t it? Is there another one? Oh, there’s two of them? That’s right. There must be two Death Valleys, huh? I forgot about that other one.”
and after one particular rant from Dabo Swinney in which Swinney incorrectly attributed a quote to Spurrier that was said by Gamecock radio play-by-play man (and former quarterback) Todd Ellis:
“Smart people don’t believe everything they read, and they don’t believe hearsay…I guess Dabo believes it.”
When asked by reporters about a quote from then-coach at North Carolina Mack Brown accusing Spurrier’s Duke program of disrespecting Keenan Memorial Stadium by beating the Tar Heels 41-0 in 1989:
“Why? I’ve got a better record on that field than he does.” He also added: “I’m not one to say ‘no comment’ whether I am right or wrong, but especially if I am right.”
When asked at SEC Media Days about what he expected when South Carolina made the trip up to Neyland Stadium:
“This will be the 14th time I’ve coached in Neyland Stadium. I’ve coached there more than some of their head coaches.”
After his South Carolina team beat the rival Georgia Bulldogs in Athens in 2007:
“It wasn’t like they were some big, powerful team. They’ve actually lost five in a row to Eastern Division opponents. Kentucky and Vandy beat ’em last year, too.”
The best zings from Steve Spurrier taunting other programs
Other programs were not safe from catching a shot or two from Steve Spurrier if he was in the right mood. Most of the time, it was other SEC programs that got eviscerated by the HBC’s laser beams.
Here are some of his best zings that came at the expense of other programs:
When speaking about recruiting while in Shreveport, Louisiana before the Independence Bowl in 2017 (while he was retired):
“You can have good ballplayers and still not win football games; all you LSU fans know about that, right?”
When asked at SEC Media Days about recruiting scandals at other programs and how he avoided cheating in the modern recruiting landscape:
“In 12 years at Florida, I don’t think we ever signed a kid from the state of Alabama…of course, we found later that the scholarships they were giving out were worth a whole lot more than the ones we were giving out.”
After Kentucky head coach Hal Mumme attempted several onside kicks in a blowout loss to Spurrier’s Florida Gators:
“If I had a defense like Hal Mumme has, I’d be trying it during every kickoff.”
When asked at SEC Media Days to compliment the job coach James Franklin had done at Vanderbilt to win 9 games the previous season:
“Well, they’re not a bunch of slow guys anymore.”
When told there was a small fire at Auburn that destroyed some property, including 20 textbooks:
“The real shame is that 15 of them hadn’t even been colored yet.”
When asked at SEC Media Days about the Gamecocks having a tougher schedule than Georgia in 2012:
“You think I make the schedule? If I made the schedule, Georgia would be playing LSU, and we’d be playing Ole Miss.”
After his South Carolina football team crushed Kentucky 54-3 and forced 9 Wildcat punts:
“Kentucky has a heck of a punter. I know that.”
After the Gamecocks smacked around Arkansas 52-7 on Arkansas’ homecoming:
“I do feel badly for Arkansas. That’s no fun getting your butt beat at home, homecoming, and all this, that, and the other.”
After being asked if LSU’s live tiger mascot served as a means of intimidation ahead of South Carolina’s matchup against the Tigers:
“Nah, well the tiger doesn’t play defense or offense for ’em. Not yet, anyway. And they do keep it caged up there, I think.”
When asked at SEC Media Days about returning as a visitor to Ben Hill Griffin Stadium after his replacement Ron Zook struggled as head coach:
“I think [Florida fans] dislike Florida…a lot more than they dislike me…they might want to yell insults at me, which is fine. I’ve heard it all before. Hurl insults, just don’t hurl bottles, and I’ll be fine.”
Steve Spurrier’s best quotes where the target was his own players or coaches
Playing for Steve Spurrier did not mean one was safe from his verbal assaults in the media. In fact, Spurrier purposely used the media as a means of motivating his team, oftentimes through embarrassment. Even his assistant coaches got jabbed from time to time.
Here are some of his best quotes that came at the extent of his players and coaches:
Lamenting the performance of his offensive line unit at South Carolina:
“Well, we can’t trade ’em. So I guess we’ve got to coach ’em.”
When asked about his quarterback at Florida (Danny Wuerffel) not retaliating against obvious late hits from Georgia players:
“He’s like a New Testament person. He gets slapped upside the head and turns the other cheek and says, ‘Lord, forgive them, for they know not what they’re doing.’ I’m probably more of an Old Testament guy. You spear my guy in the earhole, we think we’re supposed to spear you in the earhole. That’s kind of how we’re a little different.”
When telling a story of how he handles backup players screaming at teammates in the locker room:
“[I] tell an assistant to let them know that no one is listening to them.”
Speaking about a poor special teams effort against Vanderbilt:
“I’m taking over coaching the kickoff coverage. I told Coach Joe Rob that I’m not watching him do it anymore…it was sad, it was unfortunate.”
Following his Gamecocks’ beatdown at the hands of Texas A&M in the 2014 season opener:
“I’ve been reading all these good things from you media guys about our new 3-4 defense. Did anybody like that 3-4 defense? I don’t know if it would have mattered if we played a 6-6 defense.”
After seeing former quarterback Stephen Garcia’s long hair and beard while “working” with the media at SEC Media Days:
“Look! Stephen’s here! I told him last night, I said, “Did you join the media? Or did you join Duck Dynasty?”
After making a remark about Alabama’s roster being better than the Gamecocks’ roster, Spurrier was asked to elaborate on what he meant:
“The biggest things they do well are called blocking and tackling.”
Addressing speculation about some of his injured players whereabouts while they were inside the team facility during practice instead of outside with the team:
“Jadeveon is doing fine. Bruce is doing fine. Damiere is doing fine. They didn’t know they should be out here with their team, so I’m the dummy here.”
After his Gamecocks gave up 34 points to Vanderbilt (in a win):
“That’s embarrassing. It’s embarrassing how we played…we are who we are, and we are not a very good team.”
Bob Stoops, telling a story about playing golf with his former head coach:
“I was down a cliff and in some really tall grass, lucky really to even get it up on the green. I angrily told him I shot a 10. Coach replied, ‘Actually, Bobby, I think it was an 11.'”
Steve Spurrier’s best quotes about his time in the NFL
Things didn’t go as Steve Spurrier had hoped when he made the jump to the NFL after a ridiculously successful stint as the head coach of the Florida Gators. The Redskins struggled with Spurrier at the helm, and it became apparent that the college game was where he thrived.
Despite only being in the NFL for two years as a coach, the HBC had plenty to say about his time in the League:
When asked about his struggles coaching the NFL’s Washington Redskins:
“There are no Vanderbilts in the NFL.”
When discussing the possibility of being hired by an NFL team and the hours required of coaches at the professional level:
“I saw a story saying [7-9 New Orleans Saints coach] Jim Haslett comes in at 4:30 every morning. That’s not doing him much good, is it?”
While speaking to the reporters after becoming a free agent during his playing career in the NFL:
“Yeah, there’s a lot of lousy quarterbacks out there. Somebody can use me.”
After being asked if other SEC head coaches who had more success in the NFL than him had an advantage in recruiting:
“I don’t really believe that how many years you’ve had in the league determines how well your players play. Coaching is coaching, baby.”
The very best quotes of Steve Spurrier just being Steve Spurrier
Sometimes Spurrier took shots at other college football programs or coaches. Sometimes he ragged on his own players or coaches. Sometimes he took aim at himself and his failed NFL career. But sometimes, Spurrier blessed college football fans with incredible quotes in which the Head Ball Coach was just talking about nothing in particular.
Here are some of the best quotes of Steve Spurrier just being Steve Spurrier:
When asked about being an older coach in the SEC:
“Back in January, they appointed this guy, and he’s 77 years old, and he’s the leader of like a billion people in the world. They call him the Pope. He replaced a guy who was 85 years old. So, if he can be the leader of a billion people worldwide, surely I can put 11 guy on a field.”
After hearing that Tennessee coach Phil Fulmer argued that the then-Florida coach Spurrier was a good guy…until you put a microphone or camera in front of him:
“You know what? I like that.”
When asked how he lasted so long coaching in college football with his style and reluctance to change:
“I forgot to get fired.”
When asked about other coaches in the SEC seemingly growing annoyed at Spurrier taking shots in the media after his South Carolina football team beat them:
“That’s fine. People can call me arrogant, cocky, whatever. At least they’re not calling us losers anymore. If people like you too much, it’s probably because they’re beating you.”
Speaking about his abrupt retirement at South Carolina:
“I felt I was doing a lousy job.”
Addressing some bad officiating going against his Gamecock squad:
“We’ve all sorta had some bad reffin’ in our day…” (realizing a fine from the SEC office might be coming in for criticizing officials) “and we’ve had some good ones, too, I guess.”
After smacking his old Florida team in Gainesville to win the SEC East in 2010 with the South Carolina Gamecocks:
“God smiled on the Gamecocks tonight.”
On his job repairing bleachers at Ben Hill Griffin Stadium while playing for the Gators:
“Yep. That was my summer: fixing the bleachers in the swamp in the morning and hitting golf balls in the afternoon. That would be a violation today, though, so don’t tell anybody.”
After former Miami tight end Jeremy Shockey falsely attributed a quote to Spurrier in the ESPN 30-for-30 called “It’s All About the U”:
“I’m not stupid enough to say that…but that’s not the first time in life I’ve had a quote put on me that I didn’t say. I did say most of ’em, but not that one.”